What is happening??

[Ro]

Before when I saw those anorexic comercials on tv or hear about them I would never of thought that it would happen to me. I used to wonder how people could so that to themselves until I started doing it. It is really making me depressed and sad , because I know that it can kill but it's like an obsession to me. Not eating and the feeling of hungry is starting to appeal to me. I excersize everyday and run everyday. Friends of mine I think have realized what I'm doing, but they think I'm skinny but the don't understand that I don't think I am and it's like a person is taking over me. I go from starving myself to purging. To make it less obvious. Is it true if you don't eat that you gain weight? Because that's what my friends have been telling me. I've become way more quiet and emotional and I keep all my emotions inside. And it is literally eating away at me I need help please!!!

[Helg24]

Hey Ro,

I know it can sometimes be hard to admit to yourself that you are suffering from something like anorexia when you never thought you would be there yourself. Its alright to feel depressed and sad about it. Just keep in mind that a lot of people in our society today can end up suffering from an eating disorder, so its not anything weak about you that you are having some problems now. With that, it is possible for you to change and get better.

It also makes sense that there are some pleasures that you feel when you are controling your food intake and excercising. That is a part of the appeal of eating disorders. I'm glad you're starting to realize that even though it may feel good sometimes, ultimately this is something that will be unhealthy for you. It takes a lot of strength and courage to admit to ourselves that the things that we take pleasure in are in a way damaging and dangerous to us.

What do you think are the reasons that you have stopped eating? What do you think is the primary source of your obsession with your weight? What do you think you can do to help yourself begin to eat more healthy? Maybe, if you can find a way to address the emotions that you find you are keeping inside, you will be able to see more clearly why you have started to control your eating.

Posting on this forum is a really great start. You know that there is something unhealthy taking over you, and you want to get help. If there is anyone in your life that you are willing to talk to about this, that is a great way to start to release the weight of this disorder from your sholders. good luck!

[Ro]

Thank you for replying, I just have been really stressed about alot of things in my life and alot of them I can't really control. So I thought I would control the way I eat because I thought that would be easy, I began to become obsessed with it. I think I started because I wanted to lose some weight and I always felt abit heavier then all my friends. My friends thought I was stupid to think I was fat because I was only 110 pounds. But I was involved in running and sports so I thought maybe if I lost some weight, I would become faster. I didn't realize I had a problem until I went swimming and everyone could see my ribs. Now I'm really self conscious about it. But I want to be skinny. And my family just thinks I'm becoming fit I don't think anyone realizes the pain I'm going through. I don't want to stop but I know I have to get better before it's too late. I'm so confused what to do cuz it's hard to open up to people in person about this topic. It was hard enough expressing my feelings on here.

[Ro]

This weekend I told my friends about my problem. And they were very supportive and wanted to help me, it was not the reaction I expected, so it's slot more comforting to have someone in person to talk to about it.

[Support Team]

Hello Ro,

It's really good to hear that your friends were so supportive. It's not easy to reach out and share your life with people, so take it as another sign of your personal strength that you were able to do so.

Often eating disorders stem from a desire to be in control, and you've identified with that. What sorts of thoughts and feelings accompany the realization that you may be using eating as something that you can control in your life?

[Ro]

Yeah I'm glad my friends are trying, to help me I just don't want them to worry about me. They might be almost to concerned because they said u should talk to my mom about it but I just can't. She would be so dissapointed in me and I really font know how she would take it. Like how would you even start off a conversation with your mom telling her you have an eating disorder. With my friends they asked if something was wrong and I just couldn't keep it in amy longer so I broke down and told them. I just don't know how to tell my mom. But I like the feelingbif being in control it is a great feeling and it makes me happy. But I am kinda if a perfectionist so my weight and body image have to be perfect for me. And I am beggining to realize that maybe my view of perfect is way too skinny. But when I look in the mirror I feel fat. I justbdont know how to stop it's hard

[Support Team]

This is definitely difficult thing to discuss with your mom. What do you feel the pros and cons of discussing this with her would be? If you aren’t able to discuss this with her, are other there people from whom you could get external support? It makes sense to want to talk about what you’re going through – dealing with an eating disorder is a tough and it sounds like you are experiencing many different conflicting emotions right now. When you consider your wishes for the future, what does that look like for you?

[Ro]

yeah it is really really hard. LIke the hardest thing in the world. I am trying to stop so i dont have to tell my mom because i dont know how i would even start off a conversation with her about it. Um i can think of alot more cons then pros.

Cons: she would take it really badly
she wouldnt acctualy believe me and deny it
she might overreact
she might think im dumb for even starting
she always thinks there is nothing wrong and this would break her heart

pros: i could talk to a close family member about it
maybe get some help

The only external people I could tell right now are probably my best friends. For the furture i know in my heart its best to tell my mom about it so i can get more help soon. But i really wanna stop but there is apart of me where i want to be a little bit skinnier before i stop. its really confusing me. i dont know what to do.

[Support Team]

It makes sense to be confused - eating disorders are tough physically, mentally, and emotionally. Feeling conflicted about what to do or even whether to seek help is a normal reaction. Admitting that there is a problem, that you do need help is something that takes insight and courage; you should be proud of that. If you were to talk to your mother, have you considered how you'd go about it, what you would say? What do you think will happen if you don't talk to her? How are you feeling emotionally right now?

Take care,

The Support Team

[Ro]

It is so hard to tell my mom I just don't know how I would start off with it. We went shopping the other weekend and I wouldn't buy much cuz I thought I was fat and I looked bad in everything, and just me saying that I could tell hurt my mom. Because she thinks I'm skinny. I just can't handle not telling her anymore but I don't want to break her heart. I have been close to telling her, but I always brush it off. I don't want my mom to get scared and worried, it might make things worse. I might just be better if I keep it to myself but I dunu. I'm so confused I wish it was alot easier then this. And emotionally I feel drained.

[Support Team]

Hi Ro,

It's completely normal for you to feel drained and depleted. It takes alot of mental energy to keep something like this from someone you love, and eating disorders can be draining in and of themselves. Have you thought about talking to a doctor or counsellor about it? It might make you feel more equipped to talk to you mom. If you are interested in talking to a professional about eating disorders and what you're struggling with, you can call 211 anytime, 24 hours a day and they can provide you with referrals.

How has your health been lately?

The Support Team

[carlobabel]

I think It's great

carlobabel

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